4 x This Week: Help I Hate My Characters, More Ambient Music, Shepherd’s Pie, and a Tongue Twister

Monday. 2:54 a.m. Nearly forgot to write this post. So a-here-we-go~

**1**

I’m hitting a bit of a writing wall right now, mostly because of some character things. I may write a longer post about it this week, but for now I’ll try to summarize. Lately none of my characters have been clicking for me, and there have been certain points in time when I’ve just hated all of them. Like, what used to excite me about them has suddenly vanished into thin air. After some introspection, I realized this is likely due to events in my own life—but how so, you may ask?

Well, it has come to my attention that the way I perceive my characters is directly related to the way I perceive people in general—not specific people, mind you, but humanity as a whole. Lately, however, certain people in my life have lessened my opinion of relationships (not necessarily romantic) and other people in general. You know how it is—you run into someone who is so infuriating or downright evil that it makes you want to tear your hair out. So opposite your own soul that you cannot believe they actually exist. So present that it makes you question the sincerity of every other person you have met or ever will meet.

Perhaps that is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Because of personal issues I am dealing with, the characters in my writing are suffering. And, as you may know, writing is usually a pretty personal experience.

My characters now seem too… optimistic about encountering other characters, whereas I suddenly find myself more pessimistic about meeting new people. This also comes at a crucial time when my main character is supposed to be forming her friendships, and creating lasting bonds—something that is now difficult for me.

For a moment I considered taking a break from writing my main work and focusing on some other side thing, but I felt a little better about my characters today than I did yesterday. Mostly I think it’s just personal stuff I need to sort through.

The most interesting thing about this whole experience is probably that I never realized just how closely my characters were connected to my own state of being. Whether or not that is a good thing, well, I guess I’ll find out in the weeks to come.

**2**

Flipping the switch here, I’m always looking for ambient, soundtrack-like music, particularly when I’m writing. Some time ago I posted about jazzhop or something like that. This week it’s, let’s see—“chillstep,” which I guess is like dubstep, but… chill; lofi (lofi hip hop?); and some trap-Japanese mix, which sounds weird (I mean the name, not the actual music), but is good.

**3**

I tend to make this shepherd’s pie a lot, using this recipe. Just made one today, actually.

**4**

Tongue twister I heard somewhere that my sister and I quote a lot:

How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s?

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4 x This Week: Sickness Strikes (or the Blood Moon?), Puppet-Jackie, and Email Paranoia

Concrete Ceiling and Fan
I’ve become well-acquainted with this ceiling fan. It spins right above where I sleep, as well as where I stare when I’m contemplating the complexities of my existence.
I’m kidding. Sort of.

Ahahaha, you may have thought you were rid of me, seeing as I didn’t post last week. But I am back, and just as scintillating as ever.

(And by scintillating, I mean gray. As gray as the ceiling in my sister’s apartment. But you know, same.)

**1**

I’ve been sick (hence the no-show last Monday). For one day it was something flu-like, then it was something heat exhaustion-like, and then a headache that might be related to that time of the month when the blood moon is out, if you get what I mean wink-wink-nudge-nudge.

Plus, we’re out of bottled water.

*dies*

**2**

Last week I was gonna post this, but then I got sick, but I guess I’ll post it anyway.

There’s a person staying over with my sister and I who I don’t get along with, and I don’t know what I was expecting but we still don’t get along. Actually, she may have gotten worse. Problem, though, this person is family and technically holds power over me since she’s older, familial piety, etc. etc. Do I hate it? Yeah. Because I don’t let anyone else talk to me the way she does. But for some reason I have to give her an exception. Only family can get away with it, I guess, because I’m stuck with them and I am dependent until I get out of college.

So I guess it’s time for puppet-Jackie to come back out and pretend to be a good little doll, or cut the strings and get trampled.

A bit dramatic, now that I look back. Problem has been resolved (ish), though there’s like a 99% chance that if we meet up again, we’ll still argue.

Sigh. I wish we could all get along. Truly I do.

**3**

Sometimes I wonder if my email is glitchy and I’m secretly not getting important emails.

**4**

A thought on these 4x posts: should I split up the 4x? Like, maybe split this up so that each part occurs on a different day of the week? The posts would be shorter, but they’d be way more frequent, perhaps more than would make most people comfortable.

(And by “most” I mean the small percentage of people who actually read this. If anyone reads this. If you are reading this, well then, I raise my teacup to you, sir.)

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