So I had a thought yesterday, and that thought was: I wonder how my blog is doing?
Not well, obviously. Little Atmospheres has become a poor, neglected child in my opinion. I feel like I’ve become an estranged parent who only visits her kid every month or so, if even. Why, oh why have I let things go this far?
Anyway, the thought hit me because I was in the middle of writing an essay for one of my classes when I decided that I should fold a paper crane out of some dot paper instead (which, as my sister pointed out to me, looks like a vanilla-bean ice cream crane). You know, as you do when you want to procrastinate. And then somehow paper crane yay turned into I love paper turned into I think I mentioned my love for paper on my blog before which morphed into I should put this on my blog which eventually became oh my gosh the blog THE BLOG.
Suddenly I remembered my blog’s existence. It was kind of like finding an unused journal in the back of your bookshelf. Exciting. But also kind of, why haven’t I been using this?
Paper, as it happens, is one of my favorite things on this earth. Paper is crisp, it’s pretty, it’s packed full of potential. The blog is similar, in many ways. It’s pretty. It has potential. But the key difference between the two is that I know what to do with paper. If I see a piece of paper I know I can draw on it, fold it, or maybe look up something new to do with it. I saw some dot paper while writing my essay; I folded said dot paper into a vanilla-bean ice cream crane. Easy.
But the thing is, I have never known what to do with Little Atmospheres. It’s a piece of paper I’m often afraid to touch. It’s still crisp. It’s still pretty. It’s still full of potential. But it’s not much more than that. Why? Because I’ve never known what to use the blog for. And honestly, I don’t think I know how to properly blog. When I sit down to blog I feel like a monkey at a typewriter, randomly jamming keys and hoping something will stick.
I think part of the problem is that I want whatever I put on the blog to be shiny and perfect. I was like this as a kid with those journals I mentioned—I would always buy beautiful journals, but I didn’t write in them. I wanted to save them for the perfect thing to write, which of course never came. So the journals went unused.
But now I think I’m going to try something new. Treat Little Atmospheres more like paper. To use and enjoy, not fearing judgment or lack of perfection. I think this is a lesson I can apply to other things in my life as well. You know, I heard on the internet somewhere that procrastination can be a sign of perfectionism, because often what happens is that we put things off if we are unsure of whether or not we can produce something quality. But perfection isn’t everything, and quite honestly, the stagnancy isn’t very helpful.
So what does this mean, in the end? Well, for starters, I’m going to try to do something with the blog. What? I don’t know. I’ve probably said this a million times before, too. But hey, nobody’s perfect, right?
Hopefully I find my true blog calling through this experience, whatever that may be. And if you’re struggling with some kind of perfectionism-procrastination thing, well, I hope you know that perfection is subjective, and whatever you do will probably be quality, or else will be a stepping stone you can use to get to quality. But you gotta take a step first.
Or so they tell me.
Anyway, enough of my rambling. I still have an essay to write. Oops.